Well, it has been one week since we helped Tucker cross the Bridge. It has been a very emotional week. The pain of losing him is worse than I ever could have imagined. We were at the lake house with my family for Christmas. It was nice to get away from our house for a few days, because it is difficult to be in our house without Tucker. We had a quiet, peaceful Christmas, and thought about Tucker so much. Molly (my parents' golden retriever) seemed mopey while we were there, and I'm sure she was confused about why Tucker wasn't there with us.
Our vet's office called this afternoon to let us know that Tucker's ashes are ready for us to pick up. It was very difficult for me to hear that. I wasn't quite prepared for that phone call today. We will probably go pick them up tomorrow, and I'm sure that will be a very emotional trip. Going back to the place where we left him, and picking up all that remains of him is going to be really difficult. I wrote a thank you note to our vets, and I included a picture of Tucker in the envelope. I will take that with me when we pick up the ashes.
I have been thinking about all of the things that I miss about Tucker. Here are a few of them:
- I miss the sweet smell of his fur
- I miss rubbing his ears
- I miss watching him "roly poly" (roll around on his back) in the backyard ... that was one of the things that brought him so much joy
- I miss hearing him bark at the mailman and delivery men
- I miss hearing him snore at night
- I miss walking in the door and seeing him standing there, so happy to see me, with a toy in his mouth and his whole body wagging
- I miss the way he would sit right next to us when we would eat dinner at the coffee table, just waiting for a bite of something
- I miss the way he loved to eat corn, right off the cob
- I miss his big, soft paws
- I miss his faded nose
- I miss those big, beautiful, brown eyes
- I miss the fluffy lion mane fur on his chest
- I miss hearing him sigh with contentment
- I miss the way he barked at dogs and cats on TV
- I miss his smiles
- I miss his bicycle kick when we scratched "the spot" on his chest
- I miss laying next to him and listening to him breathe
- I miss saying "Gimmie a kissie" and having him kiss my cheek ... he gave the best kisses
- I miss hearing him drink water
- I miss giving him treats ... he sure did love his treats, and he always took them out of our hands so gently
- I miss taking him swimming ... he absolutely loved to swim
- I miss watching him make snow angels in the snow ... he loved the snow!
- I miss taking him in the car and having the windows down ... he loved nothing more than riding in the car with his head out the window
- I miss watching him run around in circles in the backyard like a mad man when he got really, really excited
- I miss buying him new toys ... he always got so excited when I would come home with one
- I miss watching him play with kids ... he was so gentle with them
- I miss having him lay on the floor next to me when I am on the computer
- I miss his whine when he was really excited
- I miss having a sweet dog who was always happy to see me, never got upset with me, and loved every minute of his life
- I miss knowing that no matter what else was going on my life, he always made me smile
- I miss sharing my time on earth with Tucker ...
My Dad brought a book for me to read during Christmas. It was a really good book, and I definitely recommend it for all dog lovers and especially those who have had to say goodbye to a beloved dog. It is called Rescuing Sprite: A Dog Lover's Story of Joy and Anguish, by Mark Levin. It was a quick read, and it was both heartwarming and heartbreaking. Reading the book was very therapeutic for me, and there were several parts of the book that I feel like I could have written myself. I wrote down a couple of really good quotes from the book, and I thought I would share them:
"No time on earth is long enough to share with those we love or to prepare our hearts for goodbye."
"Dogs give us so much joy. They never fail us when even the people we love the most disappoint us in some way."
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6 comments:
Hi Jess,
I just wanted to leave a note with *hugs* again for you and Tucker. I posted on the Yahoo Group again, because I noticed that you are in the Columbus area, as am I with Chase, but thought I would post here too.
I just talked to my Husband (he has been the one to talk to all of the Doctors on the phone) and Dr. Fulton from MedVet is the Oncologist we will be seeing as well. (small world, huh?) Chase had his surgery done at MedVet as well though, so they have all of his paperwork, x-rays, etc. already.
I noticed that you went to a Holistic Vet in town and I didn't have much luck finding much from Google, so I am glad you are from the area. Would you recommend your Holistic Vet? Could you provide their name/phone number? Since we are probably not going to do Chemo with Chase, we will definitely be giving a Holistic Vet a call.
You can also email me at goldeyes@wowway.com if you would like to communicate that way too.
Again, sorry for your loss of Tucker, all of my thoughts are with you in these hard days.
I just found your blog. It has been two days since my 'girl' died from this awful cancer. I am inconsolable but was able to find some comfort from reading your posts. You are expressing so much of what I am feeling today but have not the strength to even speak right now. I am so sorry for your loss as well, so very sorry. My heart actually hurts with missing my girl more than I ever could have imagined. Thanks for sharing. Peace.
Thank you for sharing Tucker's story. I've been scouring the internet for relevant information on Goldens with hemangiosarcoma all night.
We just found out yesterday that our Belle has the same cancer, & reading Tucker's story has given us an idea where to start, & what to try to do for her. She is 13, & knowing more details makes it easier to bear the time until we can see her vet again tomorrow.
I'm so sorry that you lost your boy...my Belle is my heart, too. You put him first & made sure his last days were as good as they could be. I hope to do the same.
Thank you so much for sharing,
Julie
I'm so sorry for your loss of Tucker. I lost my beloved Keelee (12 1/2 year old Australian Shepherd/Golden Retriever mix) - on 5/22/08 to a brain tumor. It still hurts today when I think of my sweet doggie & everything I miss about her. Thank you for sharing...
"I fluctuate in and out of sorrow - it comes in waves and tides - like the oceans" (Madiuranna (Woofie))
I am so sorry to hear of your loss... I do not have a dog, but I started following Tuckers story from your link off my Best Friend's doggie, Addie's page. I am not sure what to write but I do know that no words will heal the hole in your heart right now. From the looks of the other comments, you have plenty of family/friends who are supporting you during this difficult time. Remember all the things you miss about Tucker... remember all the great times you had and the wonderful life he had with you.
My thoughts are with you and yours....
We share your grief:
http://bumpasshounds.blogspot.com/2008/03/chance-rainbow-bridge.html
When you're ready, there will be lost soul that needs your love and care to survive. You'll never be able to replace tucker but you can help to fill the hole in your hearts that his loss has created.
The Bumpass Hounds
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